The Struggle
9/23/2015

Dear Daddy
Do you know what it’s like,
Growing up a as fatherless child
As a little girl, watching the daddys of other little girls give them the world
When i couldnt even get a phone call
At all the performances i had, i would look out from the wings
Into the audience, in the hopes that I to would see my king
to my left and my right only to remember and realize that you weren’t there
That you would never be there
That just seemed so normal to me
But do you know what it’s like

Growing up as a fatherless child you ruined my life
Sometimes when i was at home alone
I’d cry tears of pain and rage
Because you were supposed to help fill chapters in my life,
But I didnt even get a page
In my book, there’s stories without plots
And i’s without dots
Because without a daddy, i felt almost as incomplete as the story that I was telling
So do you know what it’s like

Growing up as a fatherless child
To this day, I still don’t know how mom was strong enough
to deal with you yet deal without you
because whether you’re in or out of lives
your presence still lingers
almost like wanting the sweetness of honey
only to be reminded of the bee
you stung me and ever since, irritation and swelling haven’t left my life
irritation because you’ve dug my mother and I into a seemingly never ending black abyss
and it irritates my soul that I can’t seem to save us
my eyes and muscles swell from long nights of tears that amount to oceans
tensing up when I should be relaxing
while you just live and enjoy your life
Because you don’t know what it’s like

Growing up as a fatherless child.
I dont have daddy issues
I have daddy hatred
Cause he’s literally the only person in this world that i can say i hate
And I’m searching my memory,
trying to retract back to the day where I had finally decided that you no longer deserved my effort, my time
Back to a day where I no longer cared about how you lived,
or if you lived
I remember the day that I told mom I wasn’t going to your funeral
If i attended, anger would be the main emotion
and there would be no tears shed
even though it was a part of you that helped create me
the only thing that would be gained was knowledge
because I would expose you for the seemingly caring slime bag that you are
I would read this to everyone,
express to them all of the pain that you caused
How you love your drugs more then me
How you love your drugs more then me
How you fucking love your drugs so much more then me
You didnt give life to them but they give life to you
Call that shit your religion
I dont pray to a higher power
But i swear to fucking god
I pray that when you get to hells gate
That your stay isn’t too bad.

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