This was in response to a shooting that happened at the university that I attend, and I was right across the street from it.  These were my thoughts, my first reactions, what I felt, and what I saw.

Chaos at Gun Point
September 27, 2016

chaos.
disorder, confusion, havoc, uproar, mayhem
chaos was maintained in my heart
hemmed to my exterior
sustained in my conscious, my brain
my first thought wasn’t to run
i didn’t have a first thought
i just stood there
in dismay
experiencing the disarray taking place around me
it was a merry go round
my brain, a revolving machine going round
where the people around me
were the model horses
and this experience
seemed to be merely a ride
that i could not get off

red.
i’d never seen so much red
puddled, pooled, becoming the outline of a body
braided together with the likeness of gravel and cement
the red was vibrant
it embodied more than just the barely still living body
left on the ground
it embodied my world in that moment
i couldn’t move
breathing was scarce
my vision was bright
all of the colors had a neon tint to them
time had stopped
and i can still vividly see the body
that the red had drained from

blur.
everything was a blur
it moved so fast
yet didn’t move at all
my head was muggy
i heard the shots
one
two
five
six
i lost track
a revolving machine
was used to play Russian roulette
with lives that were merely a part of the sidewalk
the people around me had already ran
and i couldn’t even walk
was i supposed to follow suit?
was i supposed to run?
i was stuck in my place
stuck in my disbelieve

everything was a blur.
but she was not
40
50
60 miles per hour
fast
scared
they hit and left her
she ricocheted off the car
a flip and a bounce off of the hood
adrenaline is what i believe allowed her to get up
because she was bloodied, hurt
i didn’t see tears but i knew they would come to her
they would come in safety
when she was alone
a hand on her back
are you okay
she says yes, sprints off
i sprinted right behind her
i don’t remember which way she went
nor do i remember her face
but i will forever remember
the way her body floundered
like a fish wanting nothing
more than to be released back into the water.

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